You did not just play the dead husband card again.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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