i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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