i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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