you turned your livingroom into a bong?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
