I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
