Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
