he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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