They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
