saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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