I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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