We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
