I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
