Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
