He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
