kristin has been a bad kristin
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
