he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
