were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
