I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
