Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He shit in the fireplace
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
