Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
