FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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