every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
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