When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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