proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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