Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
