That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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