Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
