that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
