After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
