I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I touched a dick in church today
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
