I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
