i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
