WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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