And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
