Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
There are leaves in my underwear?
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