well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Welp...herpes.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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