love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
