hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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