I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My penis needs a shock collar
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
