I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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