tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
