Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
