So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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