i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Let's paint friendship bongs
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
