I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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