I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Pants are for mortals
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
