i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
FUCK WHALES
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