Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
