STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
