Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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