I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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